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My Therapist Is Making Me Nuts!
A Guide to Avoiding Life's Obstacles
by Mark Hillman, Ph.D.

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Understanding
Motivation
By Mark Hillman
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When
you hear someone say, "You have to have a positive mental attitude,"
don't you feel like choking the ever-loving daylights out of
that person? After, all, as a professional, you've spent a good
part of your adult life with a positive attitude and so you
know that if the solution to life were that simplistic, we'd
all be running around trying to find ways to spend our "easy
money".
Business
people are already aware that to be prosperous in their chosen
field, they must pursue success with a passion. At times you
feel vulnerable or desperate and experience an overwhelming
sense of exhaustion. Success may seem to be nonexistent. Professionals
desire success because the rewards are great. This article will
discuss the psychology of motivation to achieve your professional
goals.
The
reality is that many of us have excess baggage that, at
first glance, appears to prohibit us from truly being
successful, or more
successful. Many people are vested in all the excuses:
"I came from a dysfunctional family," "My father/mother
was an active alcoholic," "If only I had a better start
in life." We understand from exhaustive developmental
research that what we are taught by our parents, we practice;
and what we practice, we
become. If this assumption is accurate, which I feel it
is, and we understand that we have been conditioned by
our family unit or environment, does it then not
hold true that we can "relearn" new cognitive behavioral
scripts to "tape
over" our negative, learned thoughts and behaviors, such
as procrastination or self-sabotage?
The
four stages of cognitive developmental theory provide
insight into how to empower our thought processes to achieve
our goals.
When
we are born, we are unaware that we do not possess certain
skills. This is the first stage, called the unconscious
incompetent.
As
we develop, we become aware that there are certain skills
that we do not have. For example, a child who has not
yet learned how to tie shoes, when asked, "Can you tie
your shoes?" responds, "I can't." This is the second
stage called the conscious incompetent. Unfortunately,
the child has a tendency to internalize this incompetence
with such negative phrases as "I'm stupid" and "I'm
dumb."
The
third stage of cognitive development is the cornerstone of a
healthy personality. When the parents work with the child to
have him or her become consciously competent, the child's response
to the same question is, "Yes, I can." With this taught competence,
the child feels empowered and self-esteem grows.
The
fourth developmental stage is referred to as the unconscious
competent, in which through repetition (thousands of times)
our thoughts and behaviors become so deeply ingrained that they
become lifelong habits. When was the last time you consciously
thought about how to tie your shoes? Most people will say it's
automatic (unconscious competent).
This
paradigm (initially articulated by Brian Tracy) is no different
in adult life. Affirmations, or positive self-talk
are effective techniques, because as we continually feed ourselves
valuing messages in our conscious competent, after a period
of time, we figuratively "tape-over" many of our unconscious
negative mental scripts. Therefore, to the degree that we can
control these negative habits, attitudes and opinions will be
the measuring of a professional person's capacity for progress
and growth.
In
addition to understanding the psychology of cognitive development,
it is equally important to be aware of three types
of motivation: 1) aggressive motivation; 2) conflict motivation;
and 3) competence motivation.
Aggressive
motivation may be defined as the explicit attack on animate
or inanimate objects to possess, to outperform, to prevent.
Aggression can be physical or verbal. In other words, do it
to them before they do it to you.
Conflict
motivation is when the individual has not realistically
integrated the various parts of his or her experiences, which
therefore act in opposition to one another. In the conflict-oriented
person, the innate energy of
the individual is directed into maintaining and supporting
the conflict that is central to his or her personality style
(I can't, I have to, I should).
Competence
motivation refers to the effective interaction of the individual
with the environment. The interaction and its consequent effect
on the environment are both desired and satisfying to the initiator
(feeling of empowerment).
When
aggressive or conflict motivation is used, the byproduct is
competition. This competitive situation implies a mutual exclusion
of goals between parties, a felt rivalry. Competitive social
motivators create atmospheres that produce personal and social
disruption and less-than-optimum performance levels -- in other
words, a "nightmare" in the office or in the field. When competence
motivation is utilized, the byproduct is cooperation. A cooperative
situation implies a mutual interdependence of goals between
parties, a common purpose. The overwhelming conclusion states
that cooperation is the most productive and constructive atmosphere
for creating and increasing performance levels.
Specialized
knowledge is power only to the point that it is organized and
directed toward a definitive end. This definitive end is commonly
referred to as goal-setting. Identifying where your business
is and where you want it to be and then writing a strategic
methodology of getting there is the key to heightened achievement.
It is important to write out both your professional and mental
plans.
When
writing your plan, ask yourself, "Is it optimism or denial?"
In denial, you try not to pay attention, not to see, not to
hear, not to think about the negatives. In optimism, you look
at the situation to seek out the positive elements and build
on them. The healthiest "attitude" is a strong desire based
on a realistic evaluation of the situation.
Equally
important to your plan is daily positive self-talk and breaking
down your goals into secondary and even tertiary goals,
so every day you feel that sense of accomplishment. Ultimately,
two variables need to be explored: first, what are your written
goals and objectives from the business side; and, second, what
is your mental plan to reinforce your conscious competent?
Inactivity
is the fertile ground in which flourish the seeds of despair
and self-pity. By doing nothing, you are ideally situated
to brood about all the bad breaks you've ever had. Obviously,
there is no growth, and this belief system in inactivity must
be challenged.
As
your numerous years of professional training have taught you,
mastery comes from doing, pure and simple. As you
do, you learn. As you learn, you gain mastery. As you gain mastery,
your confidence increases. As you become more confident, you
do more, learn more and gain more mastery, and life becomes
an upward spiral.
In
summary, we have explored the cognitive developmental mapping
from childhood to adulthood, the three types of motivation and
the importance of goal-setting. We recognize that we constantly
need to empower our conscious competent through positive
reinforcement, disciplined writing of mental and professional
goals and continually mastering our skills.
Success
is achievable if you are willing to pursue your goals with passion
and nurture the conscious competent power within yourselves
and your employees.
Click here to see other publications written by Mark
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